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PreviousThe Truth About Exercise and Healthy Eating
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular
exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so
many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like
saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
..............Want to live longer? Take
a nap.
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat
more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What
does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your
system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
green leafy vegetable. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended
daily allowance of vegetable slop.
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Q: Is beer
or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and
vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into
three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and
wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so
that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and
enjoy your liquid vegetables.
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Q: How can I
calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body
fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to
one, etc.,
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Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single
one, sorry. My philosophy is:
No Pain?................Good.
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Q: Aren't fried
foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?
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Q: What's the
secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker
gravy.
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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from
getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you
exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you
want a bigger stomach.
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Q: Is chocolate bad for
me?
A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans? Another vegetable. It's the best,
feel-good food around!
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I hope this has
cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a
cookie. Flour is a
veggie!
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"When life hands you
lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt."
Yea
baby!!!!!!
Added: Mon May 01 2006
